Canadian Bethany Bethany—So I’m a quarter Canadian, which is practically full-blooded. All my friends are always bashing on Canadians and I’m like, “Why? What did they ever do?” “Exactly,” my friends reply, “Canadians haven’t contributed anything to society.” Lies! Think of a world without maple syrup! hockey! ME! Are you a Canada hater? Or do you love cheap health care and Queen Elizabeth II?

Swedish Cameron

Cameron—Bethany, I’m really glad you brought up the subject of Canada. Ever since we started this webcomic, I’ve felt this inexplicable emptiness inside me. It’s felt like something is missing. I think that something is Canada. I think I have a Canada-shaped hole in my heart. My inbox is literally overflowing with messages from our followers complaining about the conspicuous lack of discussions about Canada on our site. I think it’s time something was done to reconcile this issue.

I honestly had no idea you were part-Canadian though. That certainly explains a lot. For example, last week, when I said, “Hey, let’s go rob that bank.” And you responded with, “I can’t Cameron. I’m a good person, and I’m almost a full-blooded Canadian. Good people that are almost full-blooded Canadians don’t rob banks.” It’s all starting to make sense now.

B—That’s funny how you can tell I’m Canadian because I knew you weren’t from the moment I met you, Cameron. The lack of maple leaves in your hair and the turtle you were holding said it all. Actually I can pretty much know just by looking at a person whether they are Canadian or not. I would tell you how but that secret is reserved for those with maple leaf blood in their veins. Some other perks we get are free car washes on tuesdays and diplomatic immunity in all states except Texas…Those Texans. They think they’re their own little country. Just because they have the coolest hats does not give them the right to ditch the rest of us. United we stand! Cowboys included! What nationality are you, white boy? Hopefully not Texan eh?

C—That would be awkward, especially after that rather vocal renunciation of the lone star state. White boy? How derisive! But yeah, you win. I burn in the sun. My ancestry is a mess. It’s like half of Europe conspired together to conceive me. I think I’ve got some significant pieces from Sweden, Finland and Ireland though. Meatballs and Conan O’Brian anyone? That sounds like a new comedy scetch. We should pitch it to Conan.

B—Ooh Sweden! So you basically own Ikea right? That’s the ultimate trump card. “Hey nice to meet you Cameron, I’m Bethany. I’m Canadian which means I’m awesome.” “Oh yeah? I’m Swedish. You know, like Ikea.” O_o oh. I am grateful for the opportunity to bask in your coolness.

C—I think we have a new subtitle for our comic. Nonsense and Consequences: a Partly Swedish-Canadian Webcomic from the Geniuses that Brought you Ikea and Maple Syrup. We should get back to working on it. Literally billions of people (give or take) linger in anticipation!