Man on the MoonCameron—Hey Bethany, You know I love science just as much as the next guy. After all, science has brought the world some of my favorite things, like the cure to polio, pluots, and Ellen Degeneres. But I can’t help feeling like science has totally failed us in other ways. The common cold, global climate change, Kanye West–all evidence that science can be something of a douchebag at times.

Okay, okay, maybe that’s a little harsh. I’m just saying, if scientists can send people to the moon, why do I still have to tie my own shoelaces every day? I think we’re all victims of social stratification because science is a discriminatory jerk. You know what I’m saying?

Bethany—Dude yes! You are so right Cameron! I’m really not much of a science person being right brained and all, but I can sure recognize injustice when I see it. I saw the new Star Trek recently and it showed me that science is seriously lacking. I mean really, why have we only landed on the moon? Oh right. No more NASA …We’re doomed.

I guess I can’t judge since I do nothing to contribute to the advancement of science. The only thing science related I’ve done recently is see how many words I could make out of the symbols in the periodic table.

Lab coats are sexy. I admit it. But that does NOT make up for the fact that Acne still exists!

I feel obligated to go tell those poor people in the past that all their hopes and dreams for 2013 are futile. No hoverboards, no pens that never run out of ink, or homes on mars. Of course I can’t do this because there are STILL NO TIME MACHINES.

C—Yeah, the future was such an immense letdown. We should protest. Let’s start a movement. We’ll call it Occupy Science! We’ll put our foot down and tell science we aren’t going to stand for it anymore. If we get enough people to sign a petition, science will have to do something.

*Soon…*

I just went and started a petition. Join me in bringing about real change! CHANGE!

https://www.change.org/petitions/science-stop-being-lazy-and-give-us-what-we-want-aka-occupy-science